The Proposition

Walking down Bangla Road in Patong, Phuket, Thailand I was propositioned by a girl who asked me to take her home. Grabbing my arm and speaking in very broken english, a fire of desperation in her eyes, she made it very clear that she wanted me to purchase time alone with her. At first i was startled, completely caught off guard and quickly smiled, turned down her persistent advances, and went on my way. At the moment it was all to easy to say no, but I was left with a sadness that I can not shake, and an imprint on my soul forever burned by those desperate eyes.

Having turned down a thousand Tuk Tuk drivers, and all but one offer for a massag, (the establishment I chose made it clear that they do NOT solicit sexual favors) it was far too natural to turn her away, almost ignoring her. However, as soon as I left I was overcome by sadness for her, her situation, the situation she may find herself in later with another man, and the fact that at that moment all I could really offer her was prayer.

I was also startled by my unnaturally high tolerance to such things. Bangla road is a place that houses a dark ring of sexual perversions and many cases of human trafficking and sexual slavery. How is it that I could walk down one of the most sinister streets in Thailand, completely immune to the sin that surrounded me?

Naturally I would like to claim ignorance, but that can not be said in truth. I am well educated on the topic of deviant behavior, and even chose human trafficking as the topic for my graduate school entrance essays. In all honesty I think it was a classic case of "out of sight, out of mind." I chose only to see what I wanted to see. I also believe that my many "prodigal" years have made me conditioned to such things and created an immunity to sin that is hard to shake. As the old Native American story goes, we are all born with two wolves inside of us, one good and one bad. The one that wins is the one we feed. While my bad dog may now have a muzzle on him most of the times, I find that his blind eyes are still stronger than those of the innocent one.

How often do we do this in our lives? How often do we walk around, ignoring the poverty, sin, desperation, loneliness, helplessness, and heartache in those surround us? How often do we ignore those same things within ourselves? As for me, I can tell you that I do it all the time.

That moment in Phuket is one that has stuck with me, and I pray that it continues to do so for a long time. Perhaps it needed to happen to better prepare me for the field social work. Perhaps it will give me a leg up when helping the vulnerable victims of human trafficking. No matter what, I have learned a valuable lesson, that ignorance is not bliss.

If I could do one thing over, I would have stayed to talk with her there, asking for her story. I can pray all I want, but what I really want to do is get involved. It is my duty as a Knight of the Holy Queen, and my duty as a man. As Pope John Paul II said, "God has entrusted to man the dignity of every woman." I will no longer take a blind eye to such things, or be guilty of the bystander syndrome, assuming that someone else will do the work. Rather, I will be the change I want to see in the world.

Beautiful young lady on the street, whoever you are, wherever you go, whatever you do, I hope you stay safe and discover the truth about yourself: that you are deeply loved, a daughter of the King, and that you have infinite worth and value. You will be in my prayers.

The Beauty of the Unknown

I read a quote once that said, "traveling is about the beautiful feeling of teetering in the unknown." As I sit in a bus headed towards San Francisco International Airport, I realize how true that statement is. This is the first moment in weeks that I feel at complete peace with what is happening and where I am going.

Perhaps it's the fact that what's done is done, and what's packed is packed. I can't turn this bus around and anything forgotten can be purchased. But the beautiful feeling of the unknown is almost sedative. It compels one to trust, knowing that everything will work out in the end, and that challenges will be faced and conquered.

It is inevitable that I will face challenges along my journey. I pray it is nothing as big as a lost bag or a stolen credit card, but even if that were to happen, I would not be the first tourist to endure that. That's why you do your best to be safe, keep back up numbers and purchase travel insurance. Sometimes being too cautions makes you even more vulnerable to the very thing you are trying to prevent.

This trip is full of a lot of firsts: traveling alone, new countries, backpacking, no hotel reservations, and no computer. In my studies I have learned that "detachment" is just right ordered attachment, and that's what this trip is all about. Detachment from all the unnecessary distractions in life, and right ordered attachment to what is necessary and important: God, family, friends, human connection, and service.

I thank you all for following me along this journey of growth and self discovery. I encourage you to take a moment each day to observe and recollect. As my friend Dr. Jen pointed out, those are the moments that you carry with you forever. Never miss an opportunity to conquer and discover one of the most beautiful countries in the world, yourself.

I ask for your patience as I blog from my phone. All of you readers who have iPhone's or other smart phones know the joys of "autocorrect." Also, please keep me in your prayers and know that you'll be in mine.

I now walk into the wild.

- Jordan

What do you need? Really?

The past few weeks have been very trying and tiresome. I have realized that I did not plan as much as I should have for this trip. I have found out that waiting till last minute is not much fun. I have discovered that I don't really like planning, and that is why I put things off. Most important of all, I have noticed that life keeps on moving, even when you don't.  Seconds pass by, minutes fade away, and before you know it you fly to China in three days and have not even started packing.

Not only does life continue to move, but it has the tendency to throw you curve balls as well. In the middle of all my planning my hard drive decided to crash. I lost everything. EVERYTHING. No more music, no more pictures, no more trip planning materials. Resume that I spent hours creating? Poof. Candid shots of my semester abroad? Nada. Sure, I have a fair amount of photos on Facebook and I would also venture to guess that my resume may be found in the sent folder of my Gmail account. But in the moment, it felt as though my entire world had just fallen out from under me. Right when I was getting ready to put my world on hold to discover a new one on the other side of the globe, my comforts and familiarities at home were suddenly gone.

While I don't necessarily believe that God is sitting upstairs with puppet strings controlling when my hard drive is going to fail, showering me with anxieties like rain from a Seattle sky, I do believe he can teach me a lot through it. First, the importance of backing up and preparing for the unknown, because you don't know what you've got until it's gone! I'm not just talking about things digitally either. Tell people you love them, in the moment, when you can. Take the time you have to grow while you're young so you don't look back when you're old. Choose to focus on the positives, because if you really spend the time doing so you will discover that they always outweigh the negatives. Continue to press on in the face hardships and setbacks. Be a person of commitment, doing what you say when you say you're going to do it. We have three main choices: give up, give in, or give it all you've got.  I choose the later.

Second, I have begun learning what you really need in life, and it isn't much. I don't need an iPhone, or a MacBook, or a fancy car, or the best clothes. Are they alluring? Yes. Do I like my iPhone? You bet! But do I NEEEEED it? No. Looking back it is funny to think about riding around with my mom in our old white Mazda van, going about our daily duties before cell phones were even popular. We survived, and I imagine that in a lot of ways we survived much better. Now we live in an age where we have to know the answer to the problem or question in the exact moment. But as I have slowly been discovering, "life is not a problem to be solved, but a mystery to be lived."

So, am I going on my trip? Yes. Do I have everything figured out and planned? No. Will everything work out alright? Most definitely. In fact, this is probably how it was meant to be all along. God uses the most difficult of situations to point you back to him, causing you to realize it's him first, everything else second. I am excited to see the world and all that He has in store for me along the way, because I know the learning has only just begun. My friend Joanie sent me an amazing quote to that I intend to remind myself of each step of the way: "Live in the present. Launch yourself on every wave. Find eternity in each moment." With that in mind I gear up to answer the call of the wild.

Romans 8:28 "We know that all things work for good for those who love God."

Make It Count

Recently I have been meditating on my desire to travel.  Self-diagnosed with Wanderlust, my yearning to get out in the world and experience different cultures will not go away.  As Claude Monet put it, "Every day I discover more and more beautiful things.  It's enough to drive one mad.  I have such a desire to do everything, my head is bursting with it." Just yesterday, as I was looking at my original blog, crossingthejordan.tumblr.com, filled with quotes, pictures, and videos that I find particularly inspiring, I discovered the video that you will find below. When I originally posted it back in early 2011, I wrote beneath it, "absolutely incredible. I know what I am doing after school..."  As I begin to plan a trip around the world, I am struck by the honesty and sincerity of my first impressions of this video, and how I never could have predicted that my words may actually come true.  China, Thailand, India, United Arab Emirates, Austria, Italy, Hungary, France, England, Ireland: My own "Into The Wild" adventure. While I have yet to purchase my ticket, as I am still in the final stages of planning, the itinerary has been saved, and I see it's geting closer and closer to becoming a reality.

So very often, I find myself getting caught up on things like past mistakes and self-doubt.  But what I am beginning to discover is how those thoughts only have the power that we give them.  Feelings are what they are.  Naturally, they have to be recognized and dealt with; it would be unhealthy and unreasonable to repress them.  However, just because we feel a certain way, does not mean that we have to act upon it.  In fact, it is possible to act in the exact opposite manner of what our feelings are "telling" us to do.  It may not be easy, but it can be done.  I often doubt my ability to complete this trip, to travel alone (being the extrovert that I am), and be distant from family and friends for so long.  But this trip has been a dream of mine far too long for it not to happen, and I realize how much better it would be to look back after traveling, having learned from mistakes along the way, than it would be to look back and wonder, "what if?" When asked what this trip is about, I find that it is best described as a soul-searching, missionary adventure tour, around the globe. Ghandi said, "In order to find oneself, you must first lose yourself in service of others." It is with that spirit that I hope to serve others, connect with individuals on the human level, experience different cultures around the world; seeing God's beautiful creation first hand, discovering who I am, who God is, and just how much he loves us.  

What this blog is about: inspiring others to get out there, to take risks, to love, to share, to discover the beauty of human connection, to help one another along this journey, to pray, to discover God in the places you least expect him.  We each have our own YOLO diaries to write, this one just happens to be mine. So get out there, travel, take chances, learn from your mistakes, and most of all, make it count.

- Jordan